“Who celebrates or has a day called ‘My Menopause Party Day’? Kirsty Dixon, Founder of Pause for Thought Consultancy, does. From a pivotal lightbulb moment that reshaped her perception of menopause—from a debilitating phase to a liberating milestone—she embarked on a challenging journey to embrace her status as a ‘Postmenopausal Woman’. In this exclusive interview with Taofeekat Adigun of Sheffield Occupational Health Advisory (SOHAS), Kirsty candidly shares her challenging yet empowering journey on menopause and is on a mission to raise awareness.”

Let’s start from the beginning. When did you first hear the word ‘menopause’ from your GP, and how did you initially perceive it?

Kirsty: The first time the word menopause was mentioned by my GP was at the age of 44 (now 56).  At that time, my symptoms were so mild that I can’t even remember why I went to the GP.  I was offered antidepressants, which I turned down as they were not that bad.  Even with the mention of the word, did I look into it?  Naah!  Why not?  Well, because at school, we were told we would go through ‘the change’ in our 50s, our periods would stop, we might get hot flushes, be a bit grumpy, and put on weight. Well, quite frankly, if that was all there was to it, I could cope with that, and I believed what my teachers told me!  I never gave it any more thought or did any research. Mistake number 2 (the first mistake was believing my teachers). My symptoms weren’t that bad, and they would soon pass, right?  Wroooooong.

What were the misconceptions you had about menopause?

Kirsty: Reliable research data tells us that one in four will sail through menopause with nothing more than a last period, with perhaps the odd other symptoms like a hot flush or two.  However, one in four people can have a tough time with symptoms, which can have an impact on their day-to-day life.  I was definitely one of the latter. Without a doubt, my naivety and lack of menopause understanding are what made my journey a tough one for four years.  For four years, I felt so alone. I was going mad.  No one else was talking about the same thing, so it had to just be me, surely?  I couldn’t admit how I was really feeling because people would think I couldn’t do my job.  I thought this, so why wouldn’t they?  No one could help me.  Luckily, I had my husband to speak to a bit, and he was a proper lover.  I remember him saying to me one day, when I was in floods of tears for no reason, “I want my old Kirsty back.” I could not believe that menopause could have the level of impact it was having on me.  I often hear people say that menopause robs them of themselves.  Did that happen to me?  Yes, only because I did not understand menopause and what was going on in my body.  As soon as I had my lightbulb moment, which I will talk about later, my whole journey changed.  I now say, ‘Thank you, menopause, for making me the more confident, stronger, creative, don’t take no s*** person I am today, and I love it.

So what has the journey been like before the lightbulb moment….

Kirsty: For five years, it drifted along quite happily with no real changes, then literally, what felt like overnight at the age of 49, BANG.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  My confidence went down to the point where I told myself I couldn’t do my job anymore.  I was useless. My memory started getting really bad, my brain would shut down to the point where I couldn’t remember my name. My anxiety and stress levels went through the roof for no reason, I got light-headed when exercising, I had heart palpitations and dizziness, and I was so much more emotional than usual.  I made no secret of this, and various suggestions were offered—high or low blood pressure and thyroid—but never the word ‘menopause’.  This got worse over two months, until one day at work, I burst into tears and told my manager I had no idea what was wrong with me, but I couldn’t do it anymore.  After blood tests, I was told it was all menopause-related and started HRT.  Luckily, HRT kicked in quickly and I returned to work two weeks later, telling everyone it was all down to blooming menopause

You mentioned a ‘lightbulb moment’ that changed your perspective. Can you share what triggered this realisation and how it transformed your journey?

Kirsty: It was only when, by chance, I read an article on menopause and thought, “Now that sounds familiar.” So I read and researched more.  With every article, the lightbulb grew brighter and brighter. Then it came.  Eureka!  It is menopause.  I need to stop beating myself up.  It is perfectly normal. I am not going mad, it is not just me, and I am sooooo not alone!  Once I stopped fighting and accepted it, my whole journey changed.  If I’d researched sooner, I honestly believe my mindset going into this natural stage of my life would have been very different. My experience would have been so much better.  I would have been better prepared and could have made lifestyle changes, which could have helped.  Knowledge is power.  What word do I think of when I hear the word menopause now? Liberated. Not many say that.  It’s a bit different from the word I used to use, which was debilitating.  Something I hear so often.  I have made it my mission to raise awareness and shout it from the rooftops to anyone who will listen.  If I can stop one person from having a similar journey, it is all worth it. 

After accepting menopause, what became different?

Kirsty: Not only did my mindset change at that point, but also that I had ALLOWED menopause to ‘change’ me.  I no longer realised what my values and beliefs were. What is really important to me?  So I went on a wonderful journey of discovery.  I started with a grief recovery programme.  Not only the grief of losing my dad and other relatives in a short space of time but also my own personal grief in my body.  I did some psychometric tests which explained, after all these years, why some ways of learning didn’t work for me, why reading is not my preferred way, why I shoot off the starting blocks on a task and head straight to the finishing line without so much as a thought of how I would get there!  A lot of this helped me in my ways of working, but I also went on a journey to discover what was still hindering me in life from my childhood experiences.  I went onto a really fun reflective programme which helped me understand that I AM WORTH IT.  This was so powerful and even more enlightening.

Interesting! What positives have you found and how did it contribute to your personal and professional growth?

Kirsty: I’ve not let menopause stop me.  At 52, in the throes of fighting perimenopause and having a very poorly dad, I started an apprenticeship to have a new career as a Learning & Development Practitioner (a trainer).  I lost count of how many times I questioned why on earth I changed careers while going through what I was, but I did it.  I passed!  I asked if I could do my work-based project for my final assessment, on menopause awareness.  I got the go-ahead, and for the first time in my working life, I did something that gave me enormous job satisfaction.  Through this, I created and delivered workshops and talks about menopause to staff and managers.  Put initiatives in place to help others.  I never believed I would start my own business but here I am.  Not only one business but two after being made redundant.  As I said earlier, I have never been more creative in my life.  I have passed my coaching qualification and gained more meaningful qualifications during my menopause journey than when I was at school.  Happy days.

Looking back, what advice would you give to yourself or other women navigating perimenopause that could have made the journey smoother?

Kirsty: I often get asked the question about how we know what is down to menopause and what is down to other things.  For some things, we may not know.  What I know now is that regardless of what it was, I needed to be kind to myself and stop beating myself up over it.  Do I still have symptoms?  Even in postmenopause, yes and I may have until my dying day, but that is ok.  The great thing is that I have listened to and understood my body so well now that I know when something is menopause-related.  I can look back now and pinpoint which was which, but that is only because of my self-awareness of ‘me’.  When I have a brain fog day, a bad memory day, or an emotional day, I know it will end.  This is ME now.  I have the next 10, 20, 30, 40, and maybe even 50 wonderful years ahead of me, as a postmenopausal woman.  How exciting!